Tuesday, September 04, 2007
8:14 pm
I'm certain about it. No one can change my mind already. The hatred is just too deep. My brother **** like hell. Can't he just stop doing naive things around me?
Every time I'm online, he'll pace behind me, watching every single movement that I do. I can't even chat with my friends openly. He'll say naive things like, ooh..your boyfriend. Yes, I know I should think much about it as boyfriend doesn't necessary mean your partner, but no one just understand why I'm so irritated by him. You'll know when you have a younger sibling that is of 5years smaller than you and still in primary school. A brother is much worse is much more rebellious then a sister. I don't mean me, you get it? I'm so irritated by this PEST in my house. How I wish I can get an exterminator the remove a pest from my house. But surely, I can't do that right?
I'm irritated by him. I regretted giving him games. But I had no choice. Dad's bias to him. I said before, in the presence of my parents, THAT if I gave him that game, I will not give him any more games in future. AND in the presence of my parents, he agreed. I know that this is childish of me, but I can't help but do that. But still, he goes crying to my parents when I don't give him any games and Mum and Dad comes crashing in on me. How unfair is that?
They said, they understood the needs of a teenager. C'mon, I want my PRIVACY. I can't even go out feeling safe, you have those aunties all around who just loves to gossip around. Like the time you hinted that I went to school early to date. Can't I even have a good male friend? Seriously, what's wrong with this world? Or am I the wrong one? Am I supposed to be born in the 30th century but was brought in earlier, thus having a different attitude and mindset to life. I deeply believe on equality between all humans but why must everyone think differently from me? Can't a girl have a good male friend? Must a good male friend be your partner? Can't a secondary 2 student have a partner? Must having a partner means destroying your life? People, change your mindset. It's the future already. Don't be so old-fashioned in your way of thinking.
I regret giving my brother gunbound. He adds my friends to HIS buddy list and talks to them, interfering with my life. YOU have no right to poke into my affairs. Like just now, mum asked about who I was going out with tomorrow. I can't bring myself to say it, since it was just CH and KK. Both guys and my parents will harp on the same subject for another one hour. I couldn't take it and I went straight into the bathroom. And my brother started telling mom about ALL that he knows on my friends. I SWEAR that I have never told him any of those things, but I presume that he got everything from my msn conversations. He runs straight into my room and looks at my computer reguarly and I always have to open an 'innocent' window to hide when I'm chatting on msn and blogging. Blogging is the most dangerous one. I don't like it when he reads my thoughts and comments on them. I don't need a junior to comment on my life.
I want to be alone. Although I'm a libra. Yes, libras love company and I agree with that totally. Don't say I'm naive in believing astrology readings, but everyone has their own beliefs. Like in God, for that matters, I'm a free tinkle and I totally believes in astrology. I feel, that all the readings that I have read in magazines, internet reports, news reports on astrology all matches my thoughts and action perfectly. For example, I like to have company and I'm messy. There are more, but those two for example. The sign for Libra is the Balance. To me, that means balance in family and friends and privacy. Everything has to be well-balanced in my life. I don't like things to be different. I like everyone to be the same. Thus, I don't like human discrimination.
On the privacy matter, I dread it when my brother comes into my room without permission. I don't want my father or brother to touch my computer and data. I'm not scared of my mom on this since she doesn't know how a computer works. That's the main reason by my computer is totally password protected. I have moved my computer into my bedroom also, for my own privacy. In the computer room, my brother's computer is right beside me. He can see everything I'm doing. I can't even write a decent letter to my overseas friend. He has to poke his nose into everything. I couldn't even BLOG with him around. It's difficult finding a time to blog, so I love my ability to type fast enough to finish writing what I want to express.
Even my blog is now locked. Friends, I apologize about the inconvenience you guys have to take just to get to my blog. But is it better then relinking all the time? I hate it when I think about that my father and my brother has access to my blog and will be able to read what I wrote? I feel that I have 3 personalities. Family, primary, secondary friends. I don't like it when they crash. It's a difficult life, but I started immaturely and it's the consequence. I sound stupid, I know, I'm sorry about that. Don't ask me anything about this post, I'm not telling.
My blog is just my way of thinking. Click the red button on the top or just press alt-f4 if you don't like it. Get Lost! This is my expression, all my heart-felt feelings. I'm frank in my blog, so shut your mouth about what I type on it. I don't like talking about them. I can't bring myself to say out somethings, but my blog just helps me express everything.