Sunday, February 03, 2008
12:34 pm
I've recently found out that I no longer have the courage to give my brother another chance. Or rather, myself another chance to trust my brother. I don't dare to go out with him or letting people come to my house with him around. I just dread him so much, he totally embarrass me and I will never dare to let him have a chance to try his antics upon me again. I hate it, I hate how everybody thinks I don't love him or what-so-ever. I just don't dare okay, YOU try it yourself, have a brother that runs you down in front of your friends, COUSINS, and even your parents. Making your parents into believing that he is right and you are wrong, seriously, he's a terror in my life. It doesn't help that he's a guy and dad is bias. Let's face the truth, 21st century still contains people who believes that guys are better than girls. What the hell is wrong with their mindsets ? What's worse that both are your kids. Nothing is ever fair, you say that nothing ever goes wrong when you are with him. So you feel that there shouldn't be anything wrong between him and me. Let me tell you, you're seriously wrong. I'm feeling so upset now that I just wish I had the courage to yell at you and run out of the house. But I"m calm enough that even if I run away, there's no use as there isn't a place where I can turn to, no friends close enough to turn to. Everywhere, there are little terrors. Sometimes I just wish to have a vapouriser gun and vapourise all the terrors that irritate me. I really feel helpless, no one to turn to, not even a pet to turn to. That asshole little hamster irritated me so much yesterday that I held him so tight in my hands a few times till it couldn't even struggle. What the heck is wrong with it ? Couldn't it just understand that I'm angry ? Vanilla and Tiramisu both could ! You're the only hamster that couldn't. I couldn't let it run on the floor due to the ants, and not into the cage as I was cleaning it. I'm feeling so frustrated now, just wanna cry and slap everybody I see now. I don't get it, why doesn't anybody just understand how I feel ? I don't believe in saying I am in the wrong, I can't even try, I've no courage even to try. Whatever shit am I spouting now, I'm not even clear, there's just too many fustrations inside. Studies, family, friends. Yeah, you guys may complain that you have more fustrations then me, well, I guess that I shouldn't play the nice person anymore, it's just too difficult. What's the use of thinking in my current way ? No one cares about my thoughts anyway. And the new form teacher isn't helping much anyway, she making everybody feeling worse, has she ever thought about how everybody can't control their temper, and isn't able to say, okay, this guy isn't the one I'm upset about, I should smile at him. No one is able to do that, they say, love is blind. I think, anger is also blind. You get it ? If she shows anger in her face, doesn't mean she's giving you attitude. Well, I guess you would never understand anyway..